Cineplexus

Just a Note…on Saved by the Bell

On Friday, my dad took me to the movies. We saw A Serious Man, which was, by my calculation, the most Jewish movie ever. It was fantastic, and a full review is forthcoming. But not tonight.

Last night, my dad asked me a question about Saved by the Bell, and my ability to answer it completely was surprising and a bit disturbing. The question was "Who from the show's cast are people most familiar with?'

He asked because Tiffani Amber Thiessen is on a show we've both started watching, White Collar. Her role, though small, recurs in every episode, and is vastly more normal and mature than anything else you've ever seen her in, which makes sense, considering her past roles. When he asked me if I knew who she was, I responded with (inappropriate) shock. Of course I knew who she was! Give me a break, Dad! Oh...right. You were born before 1976 and thus lack the capacity to care about Saved by the Bell.

Back to the question. Based on his numerous hosting jobs (on Extra, some MTV shows, and several big beauty pageants), my initial response was Mario Lopez. Mark-Paul Gosselaar (sickly, I spelled that right the first time) was on NYPD Blue and currently stars in Raising the Bar, so he seemed like a contender, too. And then there's Thiessen, with her stint on 90210. And she was in The Ladies' Man.

Then it hit me. This was a trick question.

The most famous member of the cast of Saved by the Bell was only in 3 episodes.

The answer is Tori Spelling.

 

Cinemaphile 101: Planet of the Apes (1968)

What do you get when you combine all acts of 2001: A Space Odyssey with Inherit the Wind and some over-the top Halloween costumes? A laughably bad movie.  When I reflect on my recent viewing of Planet of the Apes, I am struck with a shocking thought: why did anyone think it would be a good idea to remake this movie? Sequels (this film had 4, plus several TV specials) I can understand - any moneymaker can get multiple sequels.

To put it another way: I thought about making this entry similar in spirit to my post "What's wrong with Revenge of the Nerds? A pointless list." For example, in 2000 years, why is the Grand Canyon on the East Coast? What kind of throat injury leaves you mute until it's totally healed? Why don't the apes' mouths moves? But then I realized there just aren't enough hours in a day. 

 The movie's main flaw may be how seriously it takes itself. This is particularly evident in its more didactic moments. Much effort is spent building an ironic case for evolution, as the ape society Charlton Heston's character, Taylor, discovers is so devoted to its religious teachings that it ignores evidence that the Apes had Human ancestry. Powerful leaders like Dr. Zaius (why are all the elder apes blonde in this movie? Just a thought.) go as far as to try the archeologists that have discovered ancient remains for heresey. In the end, however, the film totally changes gears when it suggests that discovering our true nature is the path to Armageddon. That's what leads to the (admittedly awesome) iconic shot of the top of the Statue of Liberty laying in ruins on the beach. Taylor discovers what spoilers have long since taught us about The Planet of the Apes: it was earth all along.

I lived in a small town from the age of 8 until 18, and my friends and I often visited the local "Antique Mall," which sold a lot of odd pop culture collectibles. As a gorilla enthusiast and a movie lover, I once purchased trading cards featuring the faces and stats (?) of this film's characters (or those of the TV show spinoff, like Urko, Gorilla General).  But the real movie's bitter, inflexible Dr. Zaius is nothing like the hilarious, cute Dr. Zaius I imagined when I gazed at his likeness on my Planet of the Apes trading card! Yet another way this film has disappointed me. 

Maybe the problem isn't with the film at all. Maybe the problem is me. Why ya always gotta be insisting that a movie's philosophical message is inherently consistent, Marissa?! Geez. I guess it's my own damn, dirty human nature rearing its ugly head.